I scurried down, excited for my morning. A hot cup of coffee, the daily Mass readings, peace quiet and yet, the house began to stir. The cries echoed from their rooms and my heart stopped, defeated Now I shall have to gather myself. To draw courage for the day. To move past the plans I thought I had and attend where I am called. Frustration began to build and I was stuck, scrambling. Lord, help me to love even when it feels like it costs me A little boy emerged from the stairs, a smile greeted me and I am ashamed how hard it was to smile back. Does he not know how I longed to be alone? But he was unbothered as he nestled in close to me on the small armchair I had found solace in His head lay gently against my shoulder and my angsty frustration began to dissipate I had thought the day was off to a bad start but he proved me wrong as he sat quietly, mumbling to himself allowing me some semblance of aloneness to gather my thoughts As I turned to look at him, he started talking about the sorts of pets we could have: a baby rhino or maybe a giraffe They would grow too big, wouldn't they mom? His eyes bright with excitement, made my mouth turn upward in soft and subtle awe the mind of a child, innocent and fascinating I made my second cup of coffee and took my spot at the dining room table. He followed closely, sitting just next to me, pulling out a white board and markers. There we sat, working seperatley but together and I couldn't help but scoff at myself for the resentment that had reared it's ugly head when my early riser had first appeared My morning was interrupted and therefore, all the more blessed. The idea of a perfect quiet and aloneness tries to weigh me down as I've been convinced that that is what I need But I've been shown, again and again, that God gives me what I need and sometimes that is not about me at all sometimes it is about sitting in the company of my children though I ache to be alone Because I need, more than anything, to open my heart and hold out my hand to fight my urge to turn inward and be more willing to turn outward It is most assuredly not about me. And time to be alone always shows up, unexpectedly and just when I need it
Blog
These Interruptions

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As I drop my Quinn off this morning at the airport, I remember these moments you write of and deal with as well with Victoria. My heart aches to have those moments with Quinn again as I realize my time with her here living at home is quickly dwindling. They are precious moments. Very fleeting and very much missed once they’re gone.