The only light that fills the room is the flicker of a candle. The coffee is hot and creamy, being enjoyed in silence. And my heart is soaring. It is a season of joy for me and mine, something I’m embracing full-heartedly knowing that seasons change. The candle and the coffee and the silence offer me time to soak in the beauty. To wrap my head around the many gifts. But these little moments of just me are rare.
Six weeks ago we brought Fulton home. The second the older kids laid eyes on him they were so in love. Eager anticipation filled their eyes at the prospect of holding their baby, and at 2 days old, he was smothered with more hugs and kisses than he will ever know what to do with.
I was completely overwhelmed when I saw all three kids interacting. I looked at Ryan and asked what we had done! How were the two of us going to manage the three of them? Reagan was trying to crawl all over the newborn, and when we said, “be gentle” things seemed only to escalate. Cooper wanted to hold him, then quickly decided he was done as he pushed the baby off of his lap.
But sitting here six weeks later, I am a bit in awe. Somehow we are managing it, somehow we are enjoying it. And the older two are learning how to appropriately love on their little brother! We are grateful for all the help we have this time around. It makes all the difference.
Cooper will often lay beside Fulton on the floor and look deep into his eyes and say, “I’m so glad you are a part of our family.” A huge smile breaks upon Cooper’s face as he says it and he looks at me, “aren’t you glad mom?” The first time I heard this exchange I think I melted into a puddle on the floor. I am so glad too, Coop.
My days are filled with these sweet, innocent moments. If I pay attention, I am sure to see them. Sometimes, though, I can’t see through the crying and juggling. Sometimes I am bogged down by the needs of little children.
But I am always brought back. And I’m so grateful! Just a simple prayer reopens my eyes to the wonder all around me. A simple prayer reminds me that I am living the dream that I’ve carried around with me ever since I was a little girl. And I know that since the beginning of my life I have been called to this moment. These many gifts that surround me require my most special care.
I could’ve never imagined this dream of mine would be so full as to cause such joy and difficulty and dying and life. But, it has been all I dreamed of and so much more. A perfect path to holiness within the little walls of my home.
As the coffee cools and the silence fades to chit chat and little coo’s, I pray for the strength to love them through each moment today – through the crying and screaming, and laughing and talking, and especially the tired and grumpy.
His grace is sufficient.