A couple years back I started a prayer journal. This came about because of my inability to form cohesive thoughts while trying to talk to God. I wasn’t sure what to say, I stuttered and stumbled over my own words, and I ended up just asking for forgiveness for my foolish thoughts. It occurred to me that I have always been a much better writer then speaker. I can more clearly articulate with pen and paper. Plus I love any excuse to buy a new journal and set of pens.
As I opened my journal my pen just started rolling along. I didn’t hesitate to think, everything just came pouring out. At the beginning I begged God to open my heart. I asked Him to ignite a flame inside of me that would bring me closer to Him. I had to ask for Him to make me want it. At this point I knew my desire was halfhearted.
I went to write in it the other day and decided to go to the beginning and reread my prayers. I laughed at myself because of the stiffness and awkwardness I could feel through the pages. As I read further, I noticed them changing. I became more sincere and more confident.
This transformation that I saw throughout my prayer journal was incredible. I couldn’t believe the subtle ways God had been answering my prayers all this time. He was slowly forming in me the things I was asking for. He was giving me the graces I so desperately needed. In real life, I missed it. I didn’t have any idea He was even trying to answer my prayers. I couldn’t see that some had already been answered.
Not only did I notice the answered prayers, but I saw unanswered ones and I understood why. I could see how God didn’t answer certain things because they weren’t good for me, or he had better things in mind.
As I read through my journal, I smiled. What a beautiful thing to be witness to. To be able to see His work echoing through the pages. Now, I have become more aware. When I pray for something I try to look for the changes in my everyday life. I want to be a witness to his Glory in person, not just through the pages of my journal.
My prayers towards the end are confident. I can feel the passion when I’m reading them. Now, I know what I want and the flame has been lit. You can see the transformation throughout the pages. It is so subtle but huge at the same time. I cannot thank Him enough for just listening to me. This journal has opened my eyes even more to His great love.
Do you want to see how God is working in your life? Maybe consider a prayer journal. Write down your thoughts and struggles. Ask God for help. Ask Him to show you the way. Then be patient and revisit your entries in a couple of years. It is worth it to see God’s hand at work. He is there. He has never left your side.
